Genuinity.

I can't find it in people anymore. I have a lot of people around me I can call friends, but how many of them would really be there for me though when the water runs dry?

No one asks me how I truly am anymore, and that is what breaks me every single night. No one is concerned for anyone's well-being anymore. I want to break down every single night, thinking about my inner-being crying for help, and realizing that there is no one that I can reach out to.

It is mainly my fault for being so bad at communicating back to people, or the fact that I barely hang out with anyone anymore because of a certain someone. But how do I escape? How do I tell someone I care for to leave me alone to do what I want with my life? It is my life, after all, that he is overtaking. And I shouldn't let him affect me this way.

I need balance in my life. I don't have "me" time anymore, and back then having plenty of it kept me sane.

But back to genuinity...I can't confide in people anymore. Not him, not anyone. I have no one to vent to. I have no one to share genuine feelings with. I have no one to genuinely hug, to warm my freezing heart. I want genuine love.

It's not even about being official, or PDA, or materialistic wishes. It's about showing a person you know what they like, or showing them off like you're glad people know that's yours. It's about knowing them, and how they want to express their love, and not to have them hold back on it just because you like things private. It's about wishing for music playlists, or hand-written notes, or momentos to lay beside you when you're sleeping alone to shed a little light into your dark mind. To think about positivity, and to remind you that you aren't alone.

I miss my family. I miss having two real best friends who I know care for others feelings. I miss the old, naïve me. Back then, I was genuine towards my own feelings, and didn't let everything around me poison me how it does now.